I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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