I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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