Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
