I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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