There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
