I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I love you.
Bad choice
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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