At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
