New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
