We won't sleep together?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize