We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
