Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
