Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
