I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
