You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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