Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
