Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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