Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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