Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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