I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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