I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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