He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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