I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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