I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
