i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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