I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize