I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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