YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
cat food counts as protein by the way
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
