Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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