you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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