the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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