im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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