I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
