I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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