she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
