I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
is wine microwaveable?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
