I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Watching her eat just hurts me
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
