Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
