Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
