He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize