you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
