she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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