I hope mine doesn't look like that
well you can't waste a boner
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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