dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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