i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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