plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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