My first STD was from a foam party
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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