I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
