i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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