her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
