Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
