The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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