I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
