Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.

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(360): View more from Washington

I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.

(1-360): View more from Washington

That changes everything.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach

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(845): View more from New York

she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.

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(925): View more from California

What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party

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(519): View more from Ontario

He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint

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(650): View more from California

I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.

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