watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
