What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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