This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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