Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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