my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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