Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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