I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
