When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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