watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
