how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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