she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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