All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish i was in the wii world.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize