Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
